The Importance of Being a Container for Your Child’s Emotions
You are probably asking what does being a container mean! Being a container for your children’s
feelings as they develop emotionally is one of the most important yet sometimes the most difficult thing
to do as a parent. It means holding your child’s emotions that they share with you until they have the
ego strength to process them on their own. Sometimes the intensity of a child’s feelings/thoughts are
too much for them to process at their developmental level. They need to feel safe in order to share
them with us. We can help identify, normalize and perhaps feed their feelings and thoughts back to
them on a level they can tolerate. It can be very difficult for parents to hear about our children’s hurts
and struggles. It becomes even harder to listen to these feelings if we are going through struggles of our
own. This can cause us to shut down the conversation: to not really listen, to play down their
experiences or become angry with needing us in a way or at a time that doesn’t work for us. These are
all normal reactions. However, if we can tolerate all their feelings not only does it help them in the
moment, it is one of the best ways to provide a solid foundation for their emotional and psychological
development.
By not accepting and containing their thoughts and feelings we leave them to deal with these difficult
things on their own which can lead to maladaptive coping skills such as cutting, eating disorders and
drug and alcohol abuse and other self- destructive behaviors.
It is understandable to have trouble navigating these waters. If this sounds familiar to you please
contact Debra Cahill, LCSW. She is Director of our Children’s Mental Health Clinic at EPIC Long Island.
We are Here to Help!
EPIC Long Island
1500 Hempstead Turnpike
East Meadow, N.Y. 11554
(516) 739-7733, press option 1 at the agency greeting and then extension 324
